Sayings

Quotes – Famous Sayings – Funny Sayings

Funny Sayings

Funny Sayings

A comedian does funny things. A good comedian does things funny.
– Buster Keaton

It may be your sole purpose in life to serve as a warning to others.
– Unknown

Two lions broke loose in the zoo and were eating a clown.
One lion said to the other …
“Does this taste funny to you?”
– Unknown

Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
– Peter Ustinov

Isn’t it funny howthe people who want quiet are always the loudest trying to get everyone else to shut up.
– Unknown

Why do psychics have to ask for your name?
– Unknown

Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk,
my first instinct is to laugh.
But then I think, what if I was an ant, and she fell on me.
Then it wouldn’t seem quite so funny.
– Jack Handey, Deep Thoughts

In order to get the handsome prince, you have to kiss a lot of toads.
– Unknown

Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
– Unknown

I’m a classic example of all humorists — only funny when I’m working.
– Peter Sellers

Better to understand a little than to misunderstand a lot.
– Unknown

The word ‘politics’ is made up of the words ‘poli’ meaning ‘many’ in Latin, and ‘tics’ as in ‘bloodsucking creatures’
– Unknown

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.
– Will Rogers

65 Responses to “Funny Sayings”

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  12. beverly said

    funny…hahahah
    hahaha…
    tnx 4 sharing….

  13. Maddie said

    IF “PRO” IS IN PROGRESS AND”COM IS IN CONGRESS, DOES THAT MEAN CONGRESS IS THE OPPOSITE OF PROGRESS…..

  14. susan said

    True friends are hard to find, harder to leave, and impossible to forget. =)

  15. Callie said

    I want to die like my grandfather- asleep, not like the passengers in his car, screaming!

  16. Tasia said

    i have the body of a god,to bad it is budda

  17. Andrew said

    Oh Henry took Sweet Marie behind the candy shop, stuck his Big Turk in her Cherry Blossom And made little Turtles

  18. chelsea li said

    ur ugly and u noe it, so u call others ugly, only hoping that God would make them that way

  19. Patty said

    In lfe why do we have to squuze lemons, to make lemonade. but, they are forgetting the surgar to make it sweet.

  20. Madison said

    wow who ever made these up are funny?:P

  21. gail lukens said

    Where did the saying ” its raining cats and dogs ” come from?

  22. David Sammut said

    To check how strong a person is, just tell him that what ever he carries he takes.

  23. Puri Sahib said

    I simply loved “The word ‘politics’ is made up of the words ‘poli’ meaning ‘many’ in Latin, and ‘tics’ as in ‘bloodsucking creatures’”

  24. Pukey said

    Youre yall Funy

  25. Manish Kapoor said

    Here are few of my favorite
    Funny Sayings

    An expert is a man who tells you a simple thing in a confused way in such a fashion as to make you think the confusion is your own fault.

    Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. That’s relativity.

    I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.

    Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.

    An optimist is someone who falls off the Empire State Building, and after 50 floors says, ‘So far so good!’

  26. Alix "Ao-One" Overton said

    lifes a bitch then you marrie one, you meet her sisters, then you have kids with her.
    (i took time to put grammer in this so u better enjoy it)

  27. Dark said

    here are a few good ones

    . The universe is merely a fleeting idea in God’s mind – a pretty uncomfortable thought, particularly if you’ve just made a down payment on a house.

    Love your enemies. It makes them so damned mad.

    Say what you will about the Ten Commandments, you must always come back to the pleasant fact that there are only ten of them.

    The only thing that stops God from sending another flood is that the first one was useless.

  28. Ummm said

    Ok, Whoever asked “who made up its raining cats and dogs outside” it is and Idiom.A long time ago, the roofs were made of straw and mud. Cats and dogs would go on the roofs for warmth. when it rained, the mud and straw fell, so it wasnt sturdy, and the cats and dogs fell through.

  29. sheela said

    never regret things that happen to your life,no matter how bad it is..because everything has a reason,maybe you do a lot of mistakes but that’s only a part of being a real person..

  30. richshel21 said

    never be sad for what is over, just be glad that it was once yours..

  31. maca-vivi said

    this is funny hahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahaahaha (i fell off the chair)

  32. smallfry said

    early bird gets the worm, but the second worm gets to live

  33. Universe said

    Just remeber folks life is like a box of chocolates… you leave it out in the sun to long it melts and your lifes over

    and eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet enginges

  34. Samantha said

    I tried 2 C things UR point of view, But sadly, I couldn’t get my head that far up my @ss…

  35. Samantha said

    I’m Busy… UR Ugly… Have a Nice day!

  36. Samantha said

    DRINK TRIPLE, SEE DOUBLE, & ACT SINGLE

  37. Samantha said

    If you can’t go by the book – Rewrite it!

  38. Samantha said

    Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.

  39. brittany said

    there is always room for love…you just have to move a few things around

  40. d king said

    man who lives in glass house should clothes in basement.

  41. d king said

    man who walks realy fast through turn stile in airport is going to bangcock.

  42. d king said

    man who works in front of car gets tired,man who works behined car gets exhusted.

  43. d king said

    man who goes to cat durning day, sleeps in dog house at night.

  44. Rainveill said

    If one synchronize swimmer drowns, does the other have to drown too?

  45. Rainveill said

    The more the maniest! :D

  46. LISTEN & SILENT are the two words with the same alphabets, Only a dear one can listen u when u r silent………………..

  47. Geoffrey Sodusta ILOILO PH. said

    beverly said
    August 15, 2008 at 6:51 am
    funny…hahahah
    hahaha…
    tnx 4 sharing….

    Maddie said
    August 18, 2008 at 3:54 pm
    IF “PRO” IS IN PROGRESS AND”COM IS IN CONGRESS, DOES THAT MEAN CONGRESS IS THE OPPOSITE OF PROGRESS…..

    susan said
    October 2, 2008 at 9:36 am
    True friends are hard to find, harder to leave, and impossible to forget. =)

    Callie said
    November 5, 2008 at 6:09 pm
    I want to die like my grandfather- asleep, not like the passengers in his car, screaming!

    Tasia said
    November 25, 2008 at 7:40 pm
    i have the body of a god,to bad it is budda

    Andrew said
    November 26, 2008 at 5:01 pm
    Oh Henry took Sweet Marie behind the candy shop, stuck his Big Turk in her Cherry Blossom And made little Turtles

    chelsea li said
    November 27, 2008 at 12:26 pm
    ur ugly and u noe it, so u call others ugly, only hoping that God would make them that way

    Patty said
    December 28, 2008 at 6:53 pm
    In lfe why do we have to squuze lemons, to make lemonade. but, they are forgetting the surgar to make it sweet.

    Madison said
    January 15, 2009 at 6:52 pm
    wow who ever made these up are funny?:P

    gail lukens said
    February 21, 2009 at 9:41 pm
    Where did the saying ” its raining cats and dogs ” come from?

    David Sammut said
    February 24, 2009 at 8:04 am
    To check how strong a person is, just tell him that what ever he carries he takes.

    Puri Sahib said
    March 3, 2009 at 9:49 am
    I simply loved “The word ‘politics’ is made up of the words ‘poli’ meaning ‘many’ in Latin, and ‘tics’ as in ‘bloodsucking creatures’”

    Pukey said
    March 3, 2009 at 6:28 pm
    Youre yall Funy

    Manish Kapoor said
    March 10, 2009 at 5:30 am
    Here are few of my favorite
    Funny Sayings

    An expert is a man who tells you a simple thing in a confused way in such a fashion as to make you think the confusion is your own fault.

    Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. That’s relativity.

    I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.

    Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.

    An optimist is someone who falls off the Empire State Building, and after 50 floors says, ‘So far so good!’

    Alix “Ao-One” Overton said
    March 17, 2009 at 2:38 pm
    lifes a bitch then you marrie one, you meet her sisters, then you have kids with her.
    (i took time to put grammer in this so u better enjoy it)

    Dark said
    March 19, 2009 at 9:02 am
    here are a few good ones

    . The universe is merely a fleeting idea in God’s mind – a pretty uncomfortable thought, particularly if you’ve just made a down payment on a house.

    Love your enemies. It makes them so damned mad.

    Say what you will about the Ten Commandments, you must always come back to the pleasant fact that there are only ten of them.

    The only thing that stops God from sending another flood is that the first one was useless.

    Ummm said
    April 3, 2009 at 12:49 pm
    Ok, Whoever asked “who made up its raining cats and dogs outside” it is and Idiom.A long time ago, the roofs were made of straw and mud. Cats and dogs would go on the roofs for warmth. when it rained, the mud and straw fell, so it wasnt sturdy, and the cats and dogs fell through.

    sheela said
    April 16, 2009 at 9:41 pm
    never regret things that happen to your life,no matter how bad it is..because everything has a reason,maybe you do a lot of mistakes but that’s only a part of being a real person..

    richshel21 said
    April 16, 2009 at 9:45 pm
    never be sad for what is over, just be glad that it was once yours..

    maca-vivi said
    April 29, 2009 at 7:46 am
    this is funny hahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahaahaha (i fell off the chair)

    smallfry said
    May 9, 2009 at 9:55 pm
    early bird gets the worm, but the second worm gets to live

    Universe said
    May 13, 2009 at 1:55 pm
    Just remeber folks life is like a box of chocolates… you leave it out in the sun to long it melts and your lifes over

    and eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet enginges

    Samantha said
    May 14, 2009 at 1:15 am
    I tried 2 C things UR point of view, But sadly, I couldn’t get my head that far up my @ss…

    Samantha said
    May 14, 2009 at 1:16 am
    I’m Busy… UR Ugly… Have a Nice day!

    Samantha said
    May 14, 2009 at 1:18 am
    DRINK TRIPLE, SEE DOUBLE, & ACT SINGLE

    Samantha said
    May 14, 2009 at 1:19 am
    If you can’t go by the book – Rewrite it!

    Samantha said
    May 15, 2009 at 5:15 am
    Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.

    brittany said
    May 15, 2009 at 9:10 pm
    there is always room for love…you just have to move a few things around

    d king said
    May 19, 2009 at 2:01 pm
    man who lives in glass house should clothes in basement.

    d king said
    May 19, 2009 at 2:04 pm
    man who walks realy fast through turn stile in airport is going to bangcock.

    d king said
    May 19, 2009 at 2:06 pm
    man who works in front of car gets tired,man who works behined car gets exhusted.

    d king said
    May 19, 2009 at 2:07 pm
    man who goes to cat durning day, sleeps in dog house at night.

    Rainveill said
    May 24, 2009 at 9:43 pm
    If one synchronize swimmer drowns, does the other have to drown too?

    Rainveill said
    May 24, 2009 at 9:44 pm
    The more the maniest!

    Guna the lazy boy said
    June 8, 2009 at 6:28 am
    LISTEN & SILENT are the two words with the same alphabets, Only a dear one can listen u when u r silent………………..

  48. Geoffrey Sodusta ILOILO PH. said

    :D

  49. tim said

    these are my fav saying

    War does not decide who’s wrong or right, it decides who’s left

    2.don’t take life so seriously no one ever makes it out alive.

    Everyone is interested in going to heaven, but till now I have found none who wants to die.

    In Order to get the prince of your dreams, you need to kiss a lot of toads.

    I always try to have an open mind but my brain always keep falling out.

    “I fell asleep reading a dull book and dreamed I kept on reading, so I awoke from sheer boredom.

    Once i desired for a piece of bread, and what I got is a piece of stone in the form of pedestal.

    The person who says we cannot buy happiness with money it means that he dont know where to shop for happiness.

    I would always like to have a photographic memory but it never developed.

    I always say two wrongs donot make a single right, then u must try three.

    There are three sides to any argument: your side, my side and the right side.

    Where there is a will, there is a way to hundreds of relatives and friends.

    Never argue with a fool. People might not know the difference.

    It is always better to understand less than to misunderstand a lot.

    Till now i have found that only 2 things are infinite:
    The Universe
    Human Stupidity

    The advantage of exercising every day is that you will die as a healthy.

    The only flaw in me is that I consider myself as the most perfect in this world.

    Winners never Quit and Quitters never Win.

    You are not Stupid but everyone else is smarter than you.

    They say kids brighten the home. That’s because they never turn the lights off.

    Time has always been a great teacher, but unfortunately it has been killing all its pupils.

    Men are always visualised like a Parking Spots, the good ones are taken and the free ones are handicapped.

    Questions are never stupid, the person asking them is stupid.

    The wind which blows between a horses ears is the wind that blows from heaven.

    Its nice to be cool and fit in but its better to be awesome and fit in.

    Dreams are like rainbows but only idiots chase them.

    Boys are like mailboxes theres always another one down the road.

    Inspiration is like a lost sock. When your searching you can never find it, and when it appears, you least expect
    it.

    Being in love isn’t always as much fun as we think it is. When you love someone and they dont love you, you wish
    it were love and all you can do is try your best not to cry when you see them and they are in the arms of your best
    friend.

    Dont follow my footsteps i walk into walls.

    I grew up with six brothers – thats how i learn to dance – waiting for the bathroom…
    

    If you want to hoot with the owls, you’ve got to soar with the eagles. But what if you dont want to soar with the
    eagles because you like the owls better?

    When life hands me a road block its my choice to step over it

    Cracks in the sidewalk are only reminders that you are never to strong to fall apart.

    All I want is for one guy to prove to me that they all arent the same..

    When you mess up,another person messes up with you so dont be down.

    The words “I LOVE YOU” meens more than money itself.

    You can be in love, or you can love. One is foolish, one is dangerous.
    One is worth it.

    People say sorry in different ways.
    Sometimes it is heard to express how sorry we are.

    I never realized what friendship meant to some people…it is and always will be the greatest blessing in my life!

    My silence is my sound…

    To win some you have to lose some.

    Do good by stealth, and blush to find it fame.

    Good advice costs nothing and is worth the price.

    Live as if you were to die tomorrow, learn as if you were to live forever.

    There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything
    is a miracle.

    everyone wants happyness and no one wants pain but your cant have a rainbow without any rain

    live life to the fullest do not waste your time being angry, every second spent being mad is a second you could
    have made someone else happy!! :^)

    Gossip tells more about the person talking, then the person being talked about.

    God made the land ,he made the nature,he made the sea…He needed a prince so he made ME!!!

  50. reze said

    hope for the best and prepare for the worst

  51. Renne said

    Some of the quotes were not that funny at all

  52. John said

    Ha ha ha ha

    :’)

  53. I ALL THE TIME FELL IMPREESED WHEN I TURN ON YOUR WEB SITE ACORDINGLY I ENJOY MY SELF SO KEEP IT UP

    TANKYOU

    HANIBAL

  54. LINDANI said

    ENJOY LIFE TODAY, YESTERDAY IS GONE AND TOMORROW MAY NEVER COME!

  55. laughter is the best medicine said

    The early bird gets the worm but the second mouse gets the cheese!

    I always give my family two dinner choices – take it or leave it.

    Sign in gift shop: Unattended children will be given an espresso and free puppy.

    Never do anything you wouldn’t want to explain to the paramedics.

  56. SADNESS ALWAYS SHUD COME B4 HAPPINESS!

  57. A FART MAY NOT HAVE A SHOUND, BUT IT ALWAYS HAVE A SMELL!!

  58. tigers look in the toilet to find pooh!

  59. Anna-Grace said

    Your my friend if u cry i cry, if u laugh i laugh, if u jump off a bridge…. nice knowing u!!

    R.A.P
    e t o
    t t e
    a e t
    r m r
    d p y
    s t
    i
    n
    g

  60. john ison said

    early bird catches the worm second mouse gets the cheese

  61. alex said

    Does a liger go to tiger heaven? or lion heaven?

  62. Amateur Quoter said

    They say to turn the other cheek when you get slapped. Personally, I think its best not to get slapped in the first place.

  63. Amateur Quoter said

    A wise man once said, “Fight with honor.” I say, ” If he’s better than you, run or cheat like a politician.”

  64. Amateur Quoter said

    Isn’t it weird how some people act all smart, and two minutes later they act like a dumbass? It’s called “human nature”.

  65. Abbe said

    when a guy dumps you and says “we can still be friends” is like your mom saying ” your dog died but we can still keep him”

    im not a vegaterian because i love animals its because i hate plants!

    friendship is like peeing in your pants, everyone can see it but your the only one who gets the warm feeling

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